Club Allen
by Sovereign64
Summary: Allen, Lavi and Kanda are stranded in a rainforest. Can they get out alive with the help of...the magic Timcanpy? ONESHOT


Disclaimer: I don't own D Gray Man. Seriously.

_**Club Allen**_

An 18-year old man smiles as he opens the door of his house. He has black eyes, long dark blue hair tied to a long ponytail and wears a black and white uniform, black belt, black pants and black boots. His name was Yu Kanda.

Yu Kanda hums happily as he puts on his working hat and grabs the handlebars of his bicycle. He gets onto the bicycle and cycles out of the house.

Kanda cycles down the road and pass a huge tree. Strangely enough, there was laughing coming from the top of the tree. That's because there is a wooden treehouse built on top of the tree and there are two boys inside.

One of them was a white-haired boy with grey eyes, a red star-shaped scar down his left eyes and wears a black and white uniform, white gloves, black pants and black boots. His name was Allen Walker.

Another boy was a red-haired boy who wears an eyepatch and wears a black and white uniform, white pants and black boots. His name was Lavi.

Allen and Lavi laughed as they watched Kanda cycles past their tree.

"Wey, wook. Wit's Wanda." Allen said aloud.

"What?" Kanda stops cycling and turns his head to the treehouse. He is clearly annoyed by this.

Allen and Lavi laughed for a few seconds before Allen added, "Wook, Wanda woing wo work." Allen and Lavi laughed again.

Kanda growled angrily and tightens his grip on the handlebars. He is getting angrier.

"Where? Woes we work? Wat Wakewonalds?" Lavi said to Allen. Allen and Lavi laughed again and Kanda couldn't take it anymore. He got off his bicycle and walks over to the tree.

"What's that suppose to be? Some sort of secret code?" Kanda yelled at them angrily.

"We can't tell you because you're not a member of the club." Allen said to Kanda as he and Lavi look down at him.

"Oh yeah? What do you have to do to be a member?" Kanda asked. "Besides being a moron." Kanda then laughs at his own joke.

"We will not let you in even if you try!" Allen replied.

"What?" Kanda said, widening his eyes. He then narrows his eyes and said, "Well I'll let you guys know that I'm a member of over twenty different exclusive clubs all over England!"

"What did you say?" Lavi asked Allen.

"I don't know." Allen shrugged. "Something about his ponytail?"

Lavi then turns to Kanda and yelled, "Yu Kanda! You and your ponytail will definitely NOT fit in!"

"Oh what do you two zeros know about fitting in?" Kanda yelled extremely ticked off as he throws his work hat onto the ground. He then wraps his arms around the tree and starts climbing up. "You should be begging me to join!"

As Kanda climbs the tree, Allen and Lavi yelled to Kanda not to climb up to their treehouse.

"No Kanda!" Lavi yelled.

"No no no no, stop Kanda!" Allen yelled.

"You can't get in!" Lavi yelled it's too late. Kanda has reached the top and squeezes into the small window of the treehouse.

When Kanda got into the treehouse, he landed on the floor with a thud. He looks around and sees he's being squeezed with Allen and Lavi. "Well this is just great, there's no room in here!" Kanda yelled as he pushes Allen and Lavi away from him.

"That's what we been trying to tell you." Lavi struggled to say.

"We've been stuck in here for three days." Allen said.

"We told you you won't fit in." Lavi deadpanned to Kanda. Kanda glares at him.

Allen and Lavi smiled at Kanda as Allen said, "Well, now that you're in this clubhouse, we shall give you the new member administration. Ready, Lavi?"

"Ready!" Lavi smiled in glee. He and Allen then sing an annoying song which annoys Kanda…a lot.

"Welcome to our club! Welcome to our club! Welcome Kanda, welcome Kanda, welcome Kanda, welcome Kanda…" Allen and Lavi sang as they clap their hands.

"SHUT YOUR FILTHY MOUTHS UP!" Kanda yelled as he cover Allen and Lavi's mouth. He then turns to the window and pops his head and upper body out. He sees a tall branch next to the tree and uses it to pull him and the treehouse down!

"I do not want…" Kanda said as he pulls the branch which causes the tree to bend. "…nor will I ever…" Kanda pulls harder. "Want to be in your stupid club!" When he reaches the bottom, he places on his foot on the ground, ready to step out. But the branch snaps off. Kanda widens his eyes and drops his jaw.

This causes the tree to get back to it's normal position and sends the treehouse with Allen, Lavi and Kanda in it, flying through the sky in the process!

Kanda screams as the treehouse flies towards a nearby rainforest. In the rainforest, two explorers named Miranda Lotto and Chaoji Han saw the treehouse flying in the sky.

"Make a wish, Lotto." Chaoji said to Miranda.

Kanda continues screaming until the treehouse finally lands in the middle of the huge rainforest. The treehouse crashes on the ground and Allen, Lavi and Kanda flew out of the treehouse and land of the ground with a thud.

"WOOHOO!" Allen and Lavi hollered as they got up from the ground, pump their arms into the air and jump around. They clearly enjoyed the 'ride' earlier. "WOOHOO! AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN!"

Allen and Lavi then hit their chest repeatedly with their fists and blew their tongues out as they yelled, "Olololololololololo!"

Allen and Lavi smiled for a while until Kanda got up and yelled with a feared expression on his face. "No, this didn't happen!" Kanda said in fear and disbelief. He grabs Allen by the shoulders and yelled, "TELL ME ALLEN! THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN!"

Kanda then run around in circles as Lavi asked Allen stupidly, "What happen?" Allen shrugged.

"WHERE ARE WE? THERE'S NO WAY OUT! WE'RE LOST!" Kanda yelled, running around in circles. He then stops running and breathes heavily in fear as he looks around. "Stuck…in the middle of nowhere…with Allen and Lavi!" Allen and Lavi smiled as they wave at him.

Kanda fell to his knees and yelled with tears in his eyes. "Oh why does every 11 minutes of my life be filled with misery? WHY!" Kanda yelled in despair.

"Aww cheer up Kanda. It could be worse." Allen said as he and Lavi walk over to him.

"Yeah. You could have got dark blue hair and have a long ponytail.' Lavi said stupidly.

Kanda arched his eyebrow, wondering what the hell did Lavi just said. Then he frown and sigh, as if he already lost all hope. "We are all going to die." Kanda then fell to the ground on his face.

"No it's not, Kanda." Allen smiled.

Lavi, who was busy building up three wooden coffins with the names "Allen Walker", "Yu Kanda" and "Lavi" on it, stops hammering and turns to Allen. "We're not?" Lavi asked puzzled.

"Of course not. Remember, as long as we stick together. Nothing can go wrong. Because we're a club." Allen said before grabbing Kanda's and Lavi's arms up in the air.

Kanda got up as Allen and Lavi blew their tongues out and yelled, "Olololololololo!"

"And besides…" Allen said as he takes something out. "We got this!" Allen got out an object from his pocket which turns out to be a yellow ball with a string on it's back, four tiny legs, two large wings and a long tail.

"What's that? Some rejected pokemon?" Kanda asked, arching his eyebrow.

Lavi gasped and widens his eyes at it. "Oh my God, the magic Timcanpy!" He then claps his hands excitedly and hops around. "Let's ask something! Let's ask something!"

Allen turns to the Timcanpy and asked, "Magic Timcanpy, will I ever get married?" He smiled sheepishly as he pulls the string.

As the string shortens, the Timcanpy said, "Maybe during the final chapter of the manga."

"Oooooohhhh….." Allen and Lavi giggled like girls after hearing that.

"You got to be kidding me!" Kanda yelled at them. "That is just a stupid plush toy from Walmart! How can that thing possibly help us?"

Allen and Lavi gasped as they step away from Kanda. "Kanda!" Allen said. "You should never question the wisdom of the magic Timcanpy! The club always takes it's advice before we do anything!"

"Timcanpy knows everything!" Lavi said, waving his hands.

"Oh Timcanpy…" Allen asked with despair. "What do we need to do to get out of this rainforest?" He then pulls the string.

As the string shortens, Timcanpy simply said, "Nothing."

"Timcanpy has spoken!" Lavi said, falling to his knees.

"Nothing?" Kanda yelled, not believing what Timcanpy just said. "WE CAN'T JUST SIT HERE AND DO NOTHING!"

Allen and Lavi sat on the ground absolutely still with their eyes wide, not blinking them for one second. Kanda growled angrily, not believing that the two idiots are actually listening to what that 'thing' said.

"I can't believe you two are going to take advice from a toy!" Kanda yelled. Allen and Lavi remained silent. Kanda growled again. "Fine!" He turns around. "I don't need your guys' help! I'm going to find my own way out of here!" He then walks away from the two and walks into the forest beyond.

"But don't you two sad clowns come crying to me when your circus tent comes falling down!" Kanda then turns his head away and laughed at his joke. He doesn't need Allen and Lavi's help. As long as he keeps walking through the forest, he will be perfectly fine.

_**A few moments later…**_

Kanda panted in fear as he runs through the dark forest, extremely afraid.

"What was that?" He said as an owl hooted in the distance. He then looks around. "I was already here!"

He then runs around a tree in circles. "Oh God! I'm lost!" He wailed in despair.

He then trips over a branch and falls to the ground on his face. He shivered in fear as he pulls his hair. "Ooooh. This is hopeless! I'm lost! I'll never get out of here!" He cried.

But just when he was about to lose all hope, Kanda look up and gasped. "What is that?" He sees a small beam of light in the distance. He got up and runs towards the light.

"I DID IT!" Kanda yelled as he jumps out of the hole, enters the light and falls to the ground. "I MADE IT OUT! TAKE THAT ALLEN AND LAVI! HAHAHAHA!" Kanda laughed in triumph, thinking he got out of the forest. But then he snaps his eyes open in realization and stops laughing. He turns his head and sees Allen and Lavi, still sitting still with Timcanpy placed in the middle. Kanda groaned as he falls to the ground.

"There's no way out of here…"

* * *

><p>For the next few days, Kanda built a small campfire and a small hut made out of the branches while Allen and Lavi continue to sit still with their magic Timcanpy. Kanda threw a stone at Lavi's head, but he didn't react at all.<p>

"How's it going on at club Timcanpy-for-brains?" Kanda smirked as he is holding a metal frying pan over his small campfire. He turns back to his campfire and hums happily. "I'm starving. I wonder what's on the menu at Club _Kanda _today."

He looks down and sees a small beetle crawling around him. He quickly stomps his foot onto the beetle, killing it. He picks up the beetle and places it on the pan, cooking it.

A few minutes later, Kanda goes over to Allen and holds the pan below his nose. "Doesn't it smell good Allen?" Kanda smiled. "You haven't eaten in days."

"What about you, Lavi?" Kanda turns to Lavi and holds the pan under his nose as well. "A big boy's gotta eat…" He smirked.

He walks away from the two and said, "Well you can't have any! And do you know why Allen?" He stops next to Allen and waves his butt at him. "Because your club president…is a toy! If you would have listen to me, you would have gotten food, shelter and warm fire. But instead, you listened to a talking toy."

Kanda walks back to his campfire and sits on a rock. He twirls his beetle with a stick and yelled at Allen and Lavi. "That thing will give you nothing! As if the answer to all your problems will fall right out of the sky!" Kanda bursts out laughing. "FALL RIGHT OUT OF THE SKY!"

Meanwhile, in the sky, the plane is falling towards the forest! The pilot who is driving the plane, Tyki Mykk, and his co-pilot Road Kamelot widen their eyes in fear.

"DUDE! We're falling right out of the sky!" Tyki yelled in horror. "We got to drop the load!" He then presses a big red button that literally says 'Drop the load' and the plane's cargo hatch opens, dropping all of it's supplies. This allow the plane fly back up into the sky safely but unfortunately, it's supplies fell to the forest.

Within seconds, two wooden tables filled with various picnic food and drinks, two umbrellas, a picnic mat, a tent, a cooler box filled with ice, two metal flasks filled with fresh water and a campfire landed around Allen and Lavi. Allen and Lavi widen their eyes and smile at each other.

They got up and yelled happily, "PRAISE THE MAGIC TIMCANPY!" They blew their tongues out and go "Olololololololololo!"

Kanda widens his eyes and drops his jaw onto the ground, shocked and surprised at the food and supplies. The beetle on the pan, suddenly comes to life and grabs Kanda's stick and hits him hard on the head before getting off the pan.

Allen and Lavi sat down on their new chairs and start eating all the food that the magic Timcanpy has 'given' them. Allen, being the glutton he is, eats several cheeseburgers within seconds.

Lavi opens his mouth extremely wide and swallows an entire roasted chicken!

Allen opens up a can of Pepsi and drinks it up.

Lavi opens up a bag of potato chips and quickly eats the chips. Allen and Lavi laughed as they eat. Kanda goes over to them and chuckled sheepishly.

"Hey guys…those are some delicious food you got there." Kanda asked nervously.

"It's a gift from the magic Timcanpy." Allen smiled.

"Everything look so delicious." Kanda said as he starts to drool. He gasped when he saw a line of smoked sausages. "Smoked sausages! My favorite!" Kanda smells the sausages. However, Lavi sucked up all the sausages and also sucked Kanda's chin in the process. Kanda pulls his chin out of Lavi's mouth and backs away.

Kanda laughs nervously as he turns to Allen who is eating some cookies. "Hey Allen, um, you know, I was just kidding around earlier…and….and…I mean I'm still a member of the club, right? And-and-and the club got to stick together right? And…and…"

"Kanda?" Allen said.

"Um, yeah?" Kanda said nervously.

"Once a member is always a member." Allen smiled. He and Lavi then lift their glasses of orange juice into the air.

"TO THE CLUB!" Allen and Lavi yelled bfore they go, "Ololololololololololololololo!"

"Yeah, oyoyoyoyo." Kanda said. "Now if you will excuse me…"

Kanda rushes over to the food and drools as he looks at them. "What should I eat first? The turkey? The spaghetti? The meatballs? The bread? The mushroom soup?"

"Why don't you ask..the magic Timcanpy, Kanda?" Allen smiled as he holds out his Timcanpy.

"Oh yeah." Kanda deadpanned. "Like that will happen. Right after I consult the magic housefly."

Allen gasped and he and Lavi pull the table of food away before Kanda could grab them. Allen and Lavi stood in front of their table of food and Allen said, "Kanda! Are you questioning the authority of the magic Timcanpy?" He holds up his Timcanpy. "It was the Timcanpy that gave us this banquet! This Timcanpy is the cornerstone of our organization!"

"Maybe he's not a brother." Lavi whispered to Allen. Allen gasped.

Kanda chuckled nervously as he walks over to them. "What are you talking about? You guys have it all wrong! I _love _this plushie!" Allen and Lavi smile as Allen hands Kanda the Timcapny.

"Umm…Timcanpy." Kanda said to the Timcanpy and pulls the string. "Should I eat the spaghetti or the turkey?"

As the string shortens, Timcanpy said, "Neither."

"Oh then what about the mushroom soup?" Kanda asked as he pulls the string again.

"I don't think so." Timcanpy said in a mocking tone as the string shortens.

Kanda narrows his eyes, now getting annoyed. "Do I get anything to eat?" He asked as he pulls the string again.

"No." Timcanpy said as the string shortens.

"NO? What do you mean no? I'M STARVING HERE!" Kanda yelled.

"Here, let me try." Lavi said as he grabs Timcanpy and goes over to a huge sandwich filled with bacons, fish, eggs, tomatoes, cheese, lettuce, etc. "Magic Timcanpy, can Yu Kanda have this super duper terrific yummy delicious sandwich?" Lavi asked as he pulls the string.

"No." Timcanpy said as the string shortens.

"Hmm…" Lavi then pulls the string again and asked, "Can I have this super duper terrific yummy delicious sandwich?"

"Yes." Timcanpy approved as the string shortens.

"ALRIGHT!" Lavi said happily, then opens his mouth wide open and swallows the sandwich like a vacuum. He let out a burp, then said to Kanda, "Sorry Kanda."

"Give me that!" Kanda said angrily as he snatches the Timcanpy from Lavi. He pulls the string. "Can I have something to eat?"

"No." Timcanpy said.

"Can I have something to eat?" Kanda pulls the string.

"No." Timcanpy said again.

"Can I have something to eat?" Kanda asked and pulls the string again.

"No."

"Can't you say anything else but no?" Kanda asked furiously as he pulls the string again.

"Try asking again." Timcanpy said as the string shortens.

Kanda then smiles and sang cheerfully, "Can I have something to eat?"

"Noooo…." Timcanpy said mockingly.

That does it. This tick Kanda so much that he grits his teeth, narrows his eyes paper slit thin, his eyes turn completely red and his blood veins around his eyes, cheeks and forehead are showing.

"Um Kanda, are you alright?" Allen asked in concern as Kanda starts to shake his head furiously.

"Maybe we should ask the Timcanpy to see if he's alright." Lavi asked.

"Hello! HELLO!"

Kanda, Allen and Lavi widen their eyes and gasped as they heard a feminine voice.

"Is anyone there? HELLO!"

The three turn their heads to the tall grass and sees a girl cutting down the grass with a machete and enters the area. She is dressed in a dark blue and white uniform and skirt, dark blue boots and has dark green hair tied to two ponytails. Her name was Lenalee Lee.

Lenalee looks at Allen, Lavi and Kanda who are all completely dirty and smelly.

"Do you boys need some help?" lenalee asked as she folds her arms.

Kanda smiled. "I'm SAVED!"

He runs over to Lenalee and falls to his knees as he grabs her by the uniform. "Oh! You don't know how relieved I am to see you! I'm been stuck here for days with these two IDIOTS…" He points at Allen and Lavi. "And their magic Timcanpy!"

"Magic…Timcanpy?" Lenalee asked. "YOU MEAN LIKE THIS!" Lenalee makes a goofy smile as she also takes out a similar Timcanpy like what Allen and Lavi has.

"THE MAGIC TIMCANPY!" Allen and Lavi yelled as they jumped into the air happily. "A CLUB MEMBER!"

Lenalee, Allen and Lavi then blow their tongues out and go, "Olololololololololololo!"

Kanda widens his eyes and grits his teeth, completely surprised and awestruck. "Abra?"

"My magic Timcanpy told me to come save you guys!" Lenalee said as she walks over to Allen and Lavi.

"Hooray for the magic Timcanpy!" Lenalee, Allen and Lavi cheered.

Kanda drooped his arms and stared blankly as Lenalee asked her Timcanpy, "Okay magic Timcanpy, what do we do now?"

She pulls the string and as the string shortens, Timcanpy simply said, "Nothing."

"All hail the magic Timcanpy!" Allen, Lavi and Lenalee said before they all sit down motionless and stare blankly.

Kanda crawls over to them. "All hail the magic Timcanpy!" He cried before he sits next to Lavi and sat motionless and stares blankly as well.

**THE END**


End file.
